The agency's retreat...

It must be friday!! I have cw at my house every week, as well as therapists weekly, and other services at least once a month, but when I need to run something by them no one is around. Wednesday through Friday of this week was my agency's retreat. They go away to some non disclosed location and team build. I have the on call number, but my questions aren't important enough to bother their seminars for, so I am left to look at the weekend with no answers. I don't like that. I am reminded of this time last year. They were all at a retreat and I get a call that they need me to pick up an old respite placement at a little police station an hour away. That was all the information I got, it was just for the night while everybody cooled off, or so I was told. Apparently the girl and her fm got in a fight and she shoved fm to the ground. FM pressed charges and demanded an immediate and final removal. I was not surprised that the agency didn't tell me or that they didn't answer any of my calls that night or for the next three days. On Monday they told me what I already knew that the girl was not going back and that they would work to make arrangements for her. I was full and only temp allowed to keep her. Ten days later they moved her to her now adoptive home. I miss her even though we stay in touch. I really wish it would have worked out for me to be her mom, but I'll settle for her cool aunt!

Car trip...

Today my oldest had an appointment in Chicago. About two and a half hours from where we live. We were ready and left four hours before we had to be there. We were late. The cubs had a game today. My K decided that no matter how great Chicago is, we would never go back unless we could miss all the traffic! I laughed and said that next time we would plan better. Then we hit rush hour on the way back.

Character flaw...

Today an old friend stopped by. I haven't spoken to her in a while, and it was weird that she still sought me out for advice. I have realized that it is a fault of mine that I feel the need to solve others problems. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but I try to solve so many problems for so many people that I spread my self thin, and I get involved in things I have no place being. I do not think it is always a bad thing. I think it is what gives me the heart and the strength to take on children with special needs. I also would wager that there are many other foster parents who would feel that they might also have the same character flaw. I felt better tonight when I could echo thoughts back to her and help her see her own ideas, but not feel the need to run and fix it. I think it will be good for her to solve it for herself and I know that it will be good for me to keep myself concentrated.

Moms work

Today has been one of those days that make you question your sanity. I had a 9am case worker visit, setting up the babysitter for two upcoming appointments, and a sick child who only continued to get sicker as the day went on. He currently has a temp of 102 and is trowing up. My poor baby, the only good side is that in his yuckiness, his RAD shield has been down. That is how I see my bright sides now! ;)

What I wish...

Its 11:11 make a wish. What do I wish for? Well, besides the wish for my children to be happy, healthy, loved, and safe; I wish for justice in the system, available services for every child who needs them, a safe spot for every one, loving arms for every child, cures of all kinds, and hope.

I had a meeting with my lawyer today, the one handling my oldest two's adoption, he is a great man who has worked on every side of the system and is honest to a fault at times. He knows what he is doing. He unfortunately has also worked with many who are disrupting adoptions. This has left him slightly jaded. He looked at my older two's files and looked at me and said "Melanie, I know we have been over this and you are sure and committed, but are you aiming for martyrdom?" I laughed, his expression didn't change, he told me it pained him to see me so kind and loving, when there is no support in the system, he told me that it would be awful, if I turned into those people I cannot understand, who have had enough of their children. He then wished me the best and went on with his paper work. I have never NEVER questioned my adopting these two. They are not easy children. Both have significant special needs and require a lot out of me, but I am their mom, that is all there is. I have no way to explain to him, why I am doing it other than that. It is not because no one else would take them, or that they have been with me for three years, or even that it is what I know. It is simple yet fierce, they are my children, always have been, always will be.

Today made me think...

Today was a good day. We went to the zoo and museum out of town and had a nice time. It is hard to think that I might be willingly jumping back into the whole fostering thing. True, two of my kids are still foster, but we are just waiting on the date, and they have been here for three years. I want to continue fostering very much, but things will be so off for a while, we will struggle time and again for routine and balance. Outings and get togethers will be harder. It will come with great blessings, but I hope I am doing the right thing for my kids. They all have their own needs and we are doing ok now, but will that change when I have more people to look after? I feel this is the right path, and I am not desperate, so I will not just take the first placement they call me with, but still, I hope I have enough sense in me to make sure it is the right one. I know that some people think I am crazy being a single mom of three kids, but I know what I can handle and once you hit three adding more is nothing! ;)

Saturdays are for sleeping in...

Today was blissfully uneventful! Me and the kids laid around until 10, watching cartoons, having tickle fights and eating graham crackers for breakfast, my Butter-Bean's (age 3) idea. It was fantastic! We then went and tried to play outside, but got caught in the rain, that was fun until the thunder started rolling in. We then had some lunch and the little two laid down to take their naps. Me and K my oldest played a game and then K wrote a letter to Mamaw thanking her for the trip. We went out to eat because I had three kids eat free tickets for Bob Evans and then went to the mall for a little bit with one of my best friends and then home to bed. A great great Saturday! Also, tomorrow we are going to Decatur to the Zoo and Children's Museum there. so it will be a much needed great weekend!