The way of the world...

Today in the world of foster care, I have been frustrated. I am sure that shocks everyone. The system leaving a person feeling unvalidated, lost, manipulated, surely not! I must be the one who misplaces things, lies in reports, and gets my children's names mixed up! Oh, the love.

For example: We had been trying to get a med consent for one of my fc for awhile now for a psycotropic med. CW calls said it had been denied, when I asked why, cw said didn't know, would look it up for me. Five minutes later I find out it is because CW submitted it for the wrong child. Got to LOVE the system!!!

New and old...

Today was a day of stress and adventure. My parents came up for lunch. My parents try really hard to accept my "choices" in life, but its not them. They could never foster, never have multiple special needs kids, never understand why a single mom would want to add more kids. I understand that they don't get it, but they don't have too, they just have to be respectful of my choice to me and my family. It went ok. They tried harder than they ever have before, however they will never be able to see me and my life as normal. I am ok with that.

Also, me and my sister have decided to take a leap of hope by taking some things out of our kids diets. We are removing a lot of processed foods and dyes, trying to eat food that is as organic and natural as possible. This is in some hope to bring down some of our children's behaviors, it may not help, but it surely cannot hurt us! We will see!

Oh man, I needed to update that my eldest had a large breakdown today. It has been three years since move in day and over a year since TPR and K seemed to be broken down today by anger over some injustices in K' short life. We yelled and cried together. It was so therapeutic. we ended by me rocking K to a peaceful sleep.

what Mothers say...

Almost every mother will say; “I would die for my child.”, “I would give up everything for my child.”, “My child comes before everything else.” I wonder how many parents are faced with this. I also have come to wonder if actually facing this and surviving, makes your love/bond stronger, more pure.

I have realized this week, that putting my child's life before my own wants and needs, sacrificing potentially everything else in my life to put my child first, is completely necessary. I have told my family, my own mom that if she cannot accept that my choice has been made to support my child, that she would lose us. And as much as it would devastate me, I have to put my child’s rights first. I am the only one my children have, and I will support, protect, and cherish them with the fiercest of mama claws.

I feel so strong knowing that there is nothing that will stand in my way of my children’s needs. I will choose their life any day over my own.